Episode 223 – Appetite for Destruction
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU’RE IN THE JUNGLE BABY! YOU’RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE! Alternately: We’ve been dining at, Grams’s brownstone, Pacey’s cookin’, not rice its ris-ottooooooooo no no noooo! Gimme a second I’ll think of one for Rocket Queen.
Episode 223 will henceforth be known as the last late-season Dawson’s Creek episode that we watch on this podcast, and it is arguable that we saved the best (of the last two seasons) for last. Appetite for Destruction is a fun bottle episode that finds the gang gathered for a dinner party, just as Dawson and Jen return from banging their way across New England. Of course hijinks ensue as everyone is trying to get everyone else alone to see how they feel about this new development. Is Jen sure she’s doing the right thing? Is Dawson making a mistake? Most importantly OMG HOW IS JOEY!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?! All of these questions are asked an dodged, but it is still a fun 40 minutes of TV. Your hosts fill the down time with anecdotes about stuff you likely have no interest in, and then catch up with listener-submitted-‘tent. Another fine submission into our massive catalog of episodes.
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Episode 222 – Sex and Violence
Couldn’t find a good screen cap this week, so I used this shot of Angelina Jolie from the movie Hackers.
Recorded mere moments ago as of this posting, edited not at all, and humbly submitted for your approval. I suppose it’s good that we got this one out of the way early, because it would be a crime to go out on a stinker like Sex and Violence. The title promises all the things we love… sex… and, well, violence. However it delivers on none of those things. There is the possibility of some implied off screen sex between Pacey and Joey, there is a distinct lack of sex between Jen and CJ, and Dawson is fretting about putting sex into his dumb movie. As for violence, there is literally zero. You know what else there is zero of? Jack and Audrey. Basically unless you’re a hardcore PJer who just wants to watch them make out with no actual care for plot advancement, this episode is as boring as Eddie Dohling. Thankfully for all of you, we are here to make knob jokes and scream about how orange everything is. Hope you dig it.
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Happy American Thanksgiving!
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Episode 221 – Capeside Revisited
Gimme the cream boys and free my soul, I want to get lost in your Rocky Road and drift away….
This episode is actually not that bad for a 5th season ep. It shows some of the potential that the college years could have had. Of course, none of that matters or is even remembered after watching the credits roll on what is, quite possibly, the most devastating 30 seconds of television, film, literature, radio, or cave painting ever put into the collective consciousness. For this, my friends, is the episode in which Mitch Leery, the All-Father, passes on from the earth, and more importantly, from Capeside. All he wanted was a tasty treat. You’ve seen that bod, obviously ice cream is a very rare indulgence for our man Mitch, this ONE TIME he was allowing himself the childish pleasure of a little frozen cream placed delicately into the warm embrace of a sugared waffle cone. But Mitch, in his hubris, got greedy. One scoop would have been enough. One scoop would have satisfied his sweet tooth and preserved that golden six pack, one scoop would have…. stayed on the cone. Unfortunately, in opting for two scoops, Mitch Leery wrote his own death warrant. And with his passing, the world got a little darker. The birds stopped singing, the sun stopped shining, and ice cream? Well, I don’t know about you, my friends, but there is no ice cream in my world anymore. Ice Cream is as dead to me as that perfect dimpled visage you see above. Sherbet or die, motherfucker.
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Episode 220 – St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
They say when you go to prison, find the biggest motherfucker in the yard and beat his ass so everyone knows how tough you are. But if you’re Andie McPhee wearing this sweater…. they already know.
Valentines day means a different things to different people. For some, it’s a silly excuse to do something nice for your significant other. For some it’s a noose tightening around your neck, reminding you that you’re alone and probably always will be. For a third lovely set of people, it’s a chance to cynically talk about how it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” and how you shouldn’t need an excuse to be nice to your significant other. Yes, Mr. Fun Police who’s too cheap to buy a box of candy for his wife, we get it, you’re edgy. Anyway, for the Capeside kids, Valentines day means it’s time to hit up a rager at the golf course, so they hit the links, and pound the drinks. Jen, meanwhile, is having her first date with the always-annoying Henry, and it goes predictably poorly. All in all, everybody leaves dissatisfied, unhappy, and hungover/anemic. On the bright side, the PayJo train starts pulling out of the station, and Jenry gets to nosh jell-o in the ER. So things aren’t all bad. Stick around to the end on this one. It gets weird.
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Episode 219 – Four to Tango
I couldn’t think of a joke for it, but this looks like a still from a teen-spy movie that I would definitely watch.
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove, dance me to the end of the episode. This week is all about cutting loose on the floor. We got Pacey dancing with Joey, Pacey dancing with Jen, Pacey dancing with… Dawson? With each dance secrets are revealed that dip us deeper into the twisted romantic knots that our beloved cast has deftly tied about themselves. The air is thick with love and sex, and only DANCE can unravel them. Meanwhile, Jack considers going on his first date, but chickens out at the last second, which is fine! We love you Jack, there’s no rush! Awesome episode, not much more to say. Listen along with us and enjoy the ride, man.
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Episode 218 – Love Bites
19/m/Capeside, MA and u?
A great poet once wrote: “Love hurts, Love scars, love wounds and marks” but did he know that love also bites? Congratulations everyone, we have a mere 7 or 8 episodes to go, and you have just read the lamest opening line for an episode description that this description writer has ever penned. I am completely ashamed, as I should be. I could delete it and start again, but instead I think I’ll just write my thoughts on how bad it was, and get meta with it. That’s what us writers do. Who else writes? Dawson Leery that’s who. This week, Dawson has writers block because his mother is crapping all over his dreams, and his dad isn’t there to baby-wipe Gail’s crap and give Dawson the dreamer-to-dreamer pep talk he needs. In another story, Eddie’s back out of nowhere, but Joey’s all like “nah”. Then Joey has to chaperone a prom and brings Pacey as a date, and things are great, but then she’s like “nah, gonna do Eddie instead”. Pacey is understandably bummed. Then at the end Jen finds out grams has cancer. Synopsis over, killed it.
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Episode 217 – Swan Song
I want this image tattooed on my stomach. Like right where Tommy Lee has “MAYHEM” tattooed, that’s where this is going.
SEAN’S BACK EVERYBODY! The podcast continues to wind down and we couldn’t end this show without another visit from one of our best buddies in the podcastiverse. Sean joins us for Swan Song, the 5th season finale, and together we all go… “meh”. Swan song pretty much entirely takes place in an airport, except for a few scenes with Pacey on… you guessed it… a boat dock. Jack and Jen are headed to Costa Rica, Dawson and Audrey are headed to California, Pacey is humping some roller reefing, and Joey is back in Capeside. Various epiphanies happen and they all end up at the airport chasing lost loves, helping wayward homosexuals, or giving up their summer plans to make good with their families. You can fill in the blanks who is doing what. Afterward we read this week’s Fanfic from Mike, and we all have a grand ol’ time. It was nice of Sean to stop by and spice up this stinker of an ep. Good times were had by all!
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Episode 216 – Sleeping Arrangements
To change things up, this week I’m posting a pic from Eric & Josh’s teenage years. Eric is second from the left, and josh is the one in the pink fuzzy hat.
This week’s podcast is a fun one. Season 5 has a lot of boring crap in it, but Sleeping Arrangements is actually a fun episode with 3 good story lines and only one stinker. The main plot revolves around Pacey being offered a job to sail to Greece and the drama that leaving behind his friends, and newfound mentor drums up. Plot 2 is that all is not well in D-Jen town, as the honeymoon is over, and they struggle to make it as lovers and room mates. Plot 3 is Jack finding his place at his new frat where he realizes that, although most are accepting of him, one in particular is a bit of a douche. And finally the plot that could have been left out is that Joey is thinking of getting with some hair-helmet weirdo and who cares. 75% good is not bad for 5th season, so we’ll take it! Hope you like it as well.
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Episode 215 – Secrets and Lies
Thank you, light-hearted B-plot, for saving us this week.
So, this was a weird episode. When we rolled Secrets and Lies, I remembered it from when I watched the first 5 minutes a few months ago, and thought it would be a fun and light-hearted ep with relatively little drama. We were surprised to find out that it is actually very heavy, particularly given current events happening around us right now. The main plot is Andie, post Pacey-breakup, has been hanging out with a bad dude. A bad rich dude. A bad rich entitled dude who likes beer, and going to parties with other rich dudes. Starting to sound familiar? So Andie calls Pacey telling him that she has been taken advantage of, and Pacey and Joey go on a crusade to punish her assaulter. The worst part is… she may have been making it up. The show leaves it ambiguous, which is…. just great. So yeah, we watch all that, much of it in awkward silence. Thankfully, the b-plot with Jen and Henry is really quite sweet. We also have reviews and voicemails at the end if you just feel like fast forwarding. We won’t fault you.
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Episode 214 – High Anxiety
Sometimes I don’t have anything funny to say and just want to post cute pictures of Michelle Williams. See her in Venom, in theaters soon! Sony, you know where to mail our check.
As the countdown to the end begins, we find ourselves diving into season 5, as we will several more times over the coming weeks. High Anxiety is a fine episode. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Dawson is dealing with his problems by drinking, which I personally think is the best way to do it. Jen is dealing with her problems by being sexy, which I am also on board with. Joey is… actually Joey is kind of the hero of the episode, as she deals with Audrey’s problems for her. And pacey is dealing with his problems by throwing a party which, I can think of worse ways to keep your boat uninseminated by your boss. Meanwhile, we are hear to inseminate your ear-ovum with humor and biting commentary! I regret typing that, but I refuse to delete it. I gotta go.
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