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Episode 193 – His Leading Lady 2

Ty looks at Jen like in a very disconcerting manner, then goes home and gives himself 30 lashes and votes for Roy Moore.

Once I get out of this itchy human suit and reveal my true lizard form, we’ll have some REAL fun. GO JESUS!

Because sa haa-aa-aa-aayed eyes.  Neva La-aaah-ah-ah-ha-aye.   This week’s episode has lots of filmmaking, lots of montages, lots of pensive stares, and, for our part, lots of singing.  Dawson just got dumped by Joey and so decides to air their dirty laundry in another one of his classic movies.  Joey seems OK with this, but isn’t OK with the fact that Dawson seems OK, OK?  Andie is acting strangely, and Pacey finds a bottle of xannies in her trash can, which leads to questions, confrontations, and the inevitable sweet sweet makeup.  This is the episode that makes me think:  Maybe those Pandie people are on to something…. then I watch True Love again and I’m like: naaaaaaah.  It’s a very good Second season episode that we only kind of ruin with our singing and 3rd grade senses of humor.  It also has a guest star who was a very big deal at the time. Please listen. Please. We need you.

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Episode 192 – All The Right Moves

Audrey slams wild Turkey

This might have made some of these 6th season eps more bearable.

This week’s episode is All the Right Moves, a Sixth Season Stinker that we watch for the first time.  The jists are this: Pacey’s boss invites him to a party where he sort of gets a promotion and meets his new temporary love interest. Joey, Harley, Eddie, and Professor Ears all hang out in Hell’s Kitchen in what might be an actual depiction of Hell. And Audrey, in the only saving grace of the episode, struggles with her insecurities, and desire to hide those insecurities behind a wall of drugs and alcohol.  Jack and Jen briefly smile and wave at the camera during the cold open then are never heard from again, Dawson may as well be dead.  We’re in a Season 6 rut, but we don’t let it get us down.  Your hosts deliver expert comedic insight at every turn, despite being bored and annoyed by many of the things appearing on the screen before them.  I assure you, though the Dawson’s Creek episode may be a stinker, the podcast episode is a solid C+.  Do it!

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Episode 191 – The Kids Are Thrice Alright

Jack biting his nails

Jack’s nervous because he just sneaked the two bros behind him out of Grams’ house earlier this week.

What can be said about the 6th season premier that hasn’t been said already on this podcast?  Turns out, very little.  This week we have a threepeat of a bad episode, which means lots of digression, rambling, and ignoring the TV show playing in the background.  Some of you weirdos love these eps, I’m guessing most of you hate them.  Either way, if you’re reading this you probably already downloaded so we got what we wanted out of the deal, suckas!  I’m kidding, of course, we are only here to entertain, and we do it with every ounce of our ability this week.  We make fun of Joey’s professor for his weird ears. We make fun of Jack’s professor for his weird khakis. We make fun of Pacey for his weird facial hair.  We do all we can to make this episode fun and entertaining.  Does it sound like I’m overselling it?  Maybe I am!  But whatever the case, after you listen to this you’ll never have to listen to The Kids are Alright on our podcast again.  Rejoice, for another threepeat hath been slain!

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Episode 190 – AdmIssIons

The capeside gang consumes the blood of their enemies.

No, Pacey! Only future college students get to drink the Jesus Juice. Get back on the grill!

This week’s Dawson’s Creek episode is another one from late 4th season: Admissions.  And while we are admitting things, I have an admission for you, dear listener:  On August 14th 1986 I was involved in a hit and run accident on highway 79 just outside of Redland, Mississippi.  I’d been drinking, he came out of nowhere, I hit him, I didn’t stop. I can still see his crumpled form splayed across the dividing line in my rear view, disappearing into the darkness behind me as I drove on into the Mississippi night. Whew, now that that’s off my chest, I can talk about how much we enjoyed recording this episode. Admissions is, as you might have guessed, a double meaning.  It has to do with college admissions, but it also has to do with personal admissions.  Joey and Dawson have to face their future, Jen has to face her past, ostensibly Jack and Pacey have problems too, but they aren’t really touched on this episode. There’s a lot of heavy, end-of-highschool angst that is building up to the episode we watched last week (Promicide).  So that may be confusing.  Thankfully we are here to guide you… guide you like headlights… blazing into the blurry night, mile markers whizzing by like fence posts. Suddenly: a man, at least you think it was a man, his eyes locked on yours, his terror evident.  The screech of tires, the quick double-thump of all-season radials hitting flesh.  And then the decision that had to be made.  The decision that would haunt you for the rest of your life.  If only you’d stopped. If only you’d gone back.  If only…. Aaaaaanyway, thanks for listening!

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Episode 189 – PromIcIde

Joey, Bessy, and Pacey. Weird threesome, amazing crime fighting team.

Here’s your problem Pacey, her battery pack is completely shot, I can have you a new one by Tuesday, but it looks like you’re gonna have to take your backup Joeybot to the prom.

This week, on Creek of the Week, we celebrate #CreekWeek, and James Van Der Beek, while we seek sweet tweets and eat sweet meats.  We are joined, once again, by fellow podcaster, and all around good dude, Sean Faust of the What does it Matter? Podcast. After an enthusiastic discussion about the exciting happenings of the week (listening in the future?  Google it!), we roll up a classic, powerful episode: Promicide.  You all know this episode, it’s senior prom, everyone is stressin’, relationships are strained, the future looms like a WWI dirigible on the horizon, ready to unleash painful reality bombs on these poor kids battling in the trenches of high school.  That was a weird simile, and I apologize for it, but I will not delete it.  So yeah, for most, the night ends in tears, for one… possibly the best night of his high school career.  Depending on which ship you sail the hardest, you are either bummed or elated.  Personally, watching the good ship Pay-Jo go down in flames is tough, but I can get through it with your help.  Download.  Listen.  Embrace Creek of the Week like Jen embraces that airplane bottle of Smirnoff.  Put us to your lips, nobody is looking.  Go ooooon.  The first drink burns a little, but it gets easier, and it just makes you feel good. This should stop now. Thanks for listening!

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Episode 188 – Rest in P3ace

Jen goths out for Abby's funeral.

You think that eulogy was intense, wait til you read her Livejournal post.

Abby Morgan’s dead. Undead undead undead.  On our third viewing of the funeral of Abby Morgan, we may not pay her quite the respect she deserves.  Apologies in advance for any possible digressions, indiscretions, or blasphemies we may utter while dramatic Dawson’s Creek things happen in the background.  It’s not that we don’t love it, we’ve just done this one a few times.  So as a quick recap all the kids are dealing with death in their own ways, Jen by getting drunk and flipping out (cuz she rules), Dawson & Joey by making out, and Andie by shouldering an undeserved burden foisted upon her by a grieving mother.  What few parental figures exist in the Capeside world try to offer words of encouragement, none more so than our beloved Grams, but for the most part the youngins are on their own to face the reaper in their own ways.  Also: We sing a lot.

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Episode 187 – That is the Ques2n

Joey wears a kickin sweater.

Decided to go with a Walking Dead screencap this week. Change it up. (Sorry Katie).

What is the question?  The question could be, “who has the craziest sweater in this episode?” It could be: “Will Pacey and Andie reconcile and live happily ever after (HA!)?” It could also be: “Will Dawson have sex before his retirement fund matures?” But we know the question is actually whether or not young Jack McPhee is gay or straight.  I won’t spoil it for you, but suffice to say, the answer will surprise you.  So this is the famous second half of the two-part coming-out episode of Jack.  It is close to many people’s hearts, including our own.  We pay it all the respect it deserves, while also making crude, and stupid jokes throughout.  That’s what we do here.  Hang on til the end for one of the most disturbing listener-submitted items we’ve ever heard, it’s worth the wait.

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Episode 186 – Cigarette Burns III-ish

Hey Joey, want some popcorn? The ones on the bottom are the best.

I think the obvious joke here is a popcorn bucket with a hole in it, but I’m too high brow to go there.

This is technically our third watching of Cigarette Burns.  The second viewing was a lost episode that never aired, and since we have no intention of watching this 4 times, we went ahead and counted it for the purposes of our experiment. Lets recap!  Dawson directed (but didn’t write) a movie! Oliver, the writer, schedules a screening without telling the D man, and all his friends, plus the local hotshot film critic are invited. Dawson has a meet-cute with the film critic where he insults her, and hilarity ensues. Meanwhile Joey is crushing on Charlie who is doing his best to be a huge douchebag.  Audrey and Pacey are having issues as they discuss their past romantic entanglements.  And Jen is dealing with the fact that Grams has a new man in her life: Clifton Mothereffin Smalls.  It’s a fun episode, and this is the last time it will ever be on this podcast.  Enjoy!

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Episode 185 – Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

In the name of the Williamson, the Berlanti, and the holy Stupin.

Our Father, who art in heaven, Stupin be thy name.

Thanksgiving, a time for family, food, and draaaaaamaaaaaa.  The gang is all here for this Thanksgiving ep, as well as a special unexpected guest.  Jen’s mother has decided to attend the festivities, and it throws Jen into turmoil.  It also messes with the D-Man, as he knows a dark secret about the Lindley family past, and now could be his chance to learn the truth.  On top of that, we have the fallout from the recent Pacey/Andie breakup to add another layer of fun to the afternoon.  It’s fall! The sweaters are out in full bloom, everyone looks amazing, even your hosts… though you’ll never see that.  Thanks for listening.

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Episode 184 – Great Xpec2tions

One of these people is having an other-worldly experience where they connect with a consciousness higher than our own and open themselves up to the universe, another one is on drugs, the third is Jen.

I got nothing for this caption, I just dig the screen cap. Sue me, I can’t bring the fire every week. I sat here for THIRTY DAMN MINUTES.

This week we revisit a very special episode of Dawson’s Creek.  Every 90s show had an episode about drugs, and the dangers thereof, and DC is no exception.  In the previous ep, Jen was gifted two pills of “X” by resident shit-stirrer, Drue Valentine.  This week Jen finds herself accompanying Andie to that most time-honored 90s tradition: a warehouse rave.  Andie is feeling emotionally void, and wants to kick things up a notch, so when she hears about Jen’s pharmaceutical stash… she wants in.  Unbeknownst to Ms. Lindley she pops the pills and hits the dance floor for a night of good times, good feels, and deadly drug interactions.  During this madness Dawson smoothly slides into Gretchen’s DMs, and Pacey & Joey lament how bored they are.  Boo-hoo.  As usual we ramble over it all, so please plug us into your dome and let us take you for a ride.

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